Thursday, August 01, 2013

How To Waste Food on a Budget

 How To Waste Food on a Budget

    If you are living on a budget, you hardly have
enough money to spend on wasting food.
If you want to waste some food on a budget, you
will have to learn how to shop smart and cheap,
but still maintain a high quality load of food to waste.


1- Avoid name-brand products.
     You can usually afford about twice as much food or beverage
  of a generic product compared to a name brand product.
  For example- instead of buying a 12 pack of Pepsi Cola or
  Coca-Cola to pour down the drain, for 6 dollars, try Sam's Choice
  or Western Family brand, which you can get for about 2 dollars.

  Doesn't it feel better knowing that all of that soda you are
  wasting did not cost you 6 dollars, but instead only about 2 dollars?

2 - Buy in bulk.
        I can not stress this enough. If you don't buy in bulk, you
    are missing out. If you want to waste large amounts of food on 

    a budget, there is pretty much no way around buying in bulk.
    Find something that is easily affordadable. Such as ramen noodles,
    rice, beans, or oatmeal.

    Now- Buy WAY more than you think you should be buying. I know,   
    you are on a budget, but work within that budget to buy as much
    of these cheap products as possible.
    There is no alternative to buying in bulk if you are planning
    on wasting in bulk.

3 - DO NOT WASTE uncooked or unprepared food!

       Do not dump uncooked rice or beans out of the bag straight into the garbage can!
    You have to take the time to boil water and cook the food, and season
    it according to taste. Only then will you be able to waste it without
    feeling somehow cheated in life.

4- Fruits and vegetables tend to spoil fast, so buy lots of fruits and vegetables.

      Fruits and Veggies can be expensive. But that high price tag is worth it
   for foods that can spoil within 2 or 3 days! In this way, you don't even
   have to exert any extra energy to make sure to waste the food. It will waste
   itself. Just let it sit there for a couple days. Come back, and look what you
   have- an excellent source of fiber, vitamin B, and folate all gone to waste!
   I hope you're proud of yourself.

5 - The fast food value menu is your friend!

     Did you know that you can still buy a hamburger or a taco for under a dollar
     at most fast food restaurants?

     What a glorious untapped treasure trove of delicious food to waste! You are on a budget,
     but you can probably afford a couple more. 3 or 4 dollars isn't that much
     money. That's almost like 2 whole meals to waste. Go for it!

6 - Don't forget to waste desserts and snacks, too!

     It is a common mistake for people to forget that those delicious
     fattening sugary treats are just as good a source of food to waste
     as all the other more boring foods that people don't like as much. 

     Just because a pie or a cake or a bag of candy is incredibly delicious
     does not mean it is any less worthy of deliberately throwing into the garbage!

7 -
Do not go back and eat food that you had planned to waste.
    Digging food out of the garbage the next day does not count as wasting food.
    Stay committed to wasting your food, and don't cheat. 

    If you are tempted to eat food that is being wasted, try to find food that you were not  planning on wasting instead! Isn't that better than eating out of the garbage can like a wild animal? How dare you!?

8 - Don't forget to buy some food to eat, too.

    Lastly, don't forget to buy twice as much food so that you are
    not just wasting food in the garbage, but also eating food to
    nourish your body and mind. This is not some kind of diet, you health nut!

   Since you are on a budget, you may not have very much money left
   over for food to buy to eat. But once you have wasted as much food
   as you feel is necessary, go ahead and serve yourself half of a nice little treat to eat!

   A little bit. Only a little bit. Remember, you are on a budget!

In Conclusion...

Now you have mastered the art of wasting large amounts of food on a budget. Congratulations. I hope you're happy now, you sick son of a bitch. 

People like you literally make me sick! Do you think wasting food is funny or something? Huh?? Is this some kind of joke to you? I hope you know that millions of starving children died in the three minutes it took you to read this article. Is this what the world has come to? Is that what you want? How dare you! You should be very ashamed of yourself for what you have done! Very, very, very ashamed.